Pitfall

Perfectionism may be the ultimate self-defeating behavior. It turns people into slaves of success—but keeps them focused on failure, dooming them to a lifetime of doubt and depression. It also winds up undermining achievement in the modern world.

After I have left secondary school, with a horrendous "O" Level result, I vowed to do better in my tertiary studies. 
I have had good grades so far, until I met my match, my bachelors' Professors. 

I just read my feedback from for my 1st assignment after a year of not schooling and I am utterly disappointed with myself. It even reached to a point that I do not feel like attending tomorrow's class. 

I BARELY passed that assignment of 3000 words.

 I set high standards of everything. EVERYTHING. The way I cook, the way I look after my kids, the way I tidy up my room, the way I work and the list goes on. 

Because of this I worry a lot. A LOT. 

And if something doesn't work out just as how I have set it up to be, I will get depressed and simply, let it go. (My room is a good example, I have no storage space left so it looks like a dump now. And I hate the sight of it. Hence, the agony of key waiting.) 

Letting go is a feeling that I DO NOT NEED right now. I can't pull out of something that I REALLY, REALLY WANT. 

I need a tutor. I need to critically analyse work. I need a nanny to look after my kids while I study. When it comes to looking after children, my husband's body is similar to an 80 year-old-man, it tires easily after 10 minutes. Thus, I can't completely rely on him. 

Let's suck this up for 2 years. That is the duration of my Bachelor. Sighs. Then comes my bond, another 3 years. SIGHS.