"malay" weddings

I have just witnessed one of my good friend's beautiful wedding ceremony and it brings back memories.

On a side note, there is a current hoo-ha on people who spend lavishly for their weddings.

I personally find that it is okay to spend your money on luxurious weddings, IF the money is yours as in, you have saved up for it.

Like the colloquial manner of saying goes, "Duit dia biarlah dia buat apa dia nak."
"It's his money. Let him do what he wants with it. "

I do not understand why people would put themselves in a huge fix such as a debt for something that will only last for a day. Sure the wedding will be amazing, but if it is beyond your means to spend lavishly, then it is simply burdening you.

I on the other hand adore simple weddings. I loved my friend's simple yet beautiful wedding that I attended a while ago. The colour combination was elegant, the traditional musical instrument played by the band was subtle and definitely not rowdy. The food was delicious and not overwhelming.

I have attended various weddings.  And some are VERY extravagant that the cost of that particular void-deck wedding surpass the price of a wedding held in a hotel.

You and your spouse will be starting a new life as a husband and wife. You need a lot of cash, to start the beginning of your lives together. Believe me, what comes after marriage is scary. It is a little thing that we call, commitment.

You will be responsible for yourself and your spouse. You can't depend on anyone. Which means, that huge fat bank loan used for that unnecessary fancy wedding affair is on you.

Here is what awaits you after marriage, your house, your first child.

These two things costs more than the wedding. The house needs renovation.  A simple one can cost you at least SGD$10,000. What about the furniture?  That can go up to another SGD $10,000.
What are you going to use? Another bank loan?

What about your child? Baby's essentials costs a bomb. I swear. The baby crib, baby carrier, a good stroller, nappies, milk formula and so forth. It can reach up to SGD$3,000. I have given birth to both my children in a private hospital for my c-section and it costs me, SGD$7,000 for each child. That was the final bill. They will deduct about SGD$4,000 from your medisave so you will be paying SGD $3,000 in cash as soon as your wife is admitted to the delivery suite.

Every little thing costs money. Every single one.

My wedding was back in 2010.


My wedding reception was done up by my uncle so obviously I did get a discount. The dais, food catered for 800 pax, tables and chairs, hand bouquet,  wedding room decor  was about SGD $7,000+.

Photobooth was very cheap at that time, only SGD $150-SGD$200.

Wedding cake baked by a beautiful Russian friend who have discontinued wedding cake baking, was SGD $250-SGD $300.


I requested to have only 5 hantaran (presents from the groom, but Idros surprsied me with more). I personally sent my hantaran trays (to be decorated) to johore bahru. It costs me RM300. For all the 5 trays. Which was about SGD $150.

      Soo Kee Platinum & Diamomd Ring $1000

 Doamanchi and People of Asia Suit $400

                            IPhone 4S $300

           Armani Exchange Watch $300-$400

                             Al-Quran $60
                             Sajadah $20

                     Dais done by my uncle

Two-Tier Russian Layered Honey Wedding Cake $250-$300

(The cupcakes were a gift)

         Room Decor done up by my Aunt

My 5 outfits and make-up costs me SGD$2300-SGD $2500 (I really could not recall.)

My photographer was my brother who took photography modules while he took his diploma.

And my bedroom furniture was about SGD $1,000.

My honeymoon to Koh Samui was sponsored by my dear father.

My dowry given by Idros was SGD $8,000 which totally covered the catering and dais.

That was it. I really enjoyed having that simple wedding. With absolutely no regrets. It went exactly as how I wanted it to be. Every fine detail. I even recall purchasing an ikea drawer set and fixing it up manually with my father. Just so we would not overspend on furniture.

If you can only afford the nikah, it is absolutely fine. I have seen and been to a beautiful nikah ceremony, it lasted for a while, the guests of about 200 were then served with simple food and beverage.

You can save up for a fantastic honeymoon if you do not splurge on your wedding ceremony, or even save up for what comes later.

Good luck to all who are planning for their wedding.

Storage ideas

My husband has flown off to Jakarta for a meeting. He will be there for a day but Reena has been asking for him. And Irman as usual took a very long time to sleep.

My husband sent me a picture of his hotel.

Rub it in why don't you.  

I have been constantly googling for things that I will need for my upcoming house which is due in perhaps, April next year? 

Anyway, it is soon enough. A few more months and counting. 

I have consolidated my ideas infused with my preferred way of storing things. 

I have a thing with clutter. 

Even in the kitchen. Simple things like the drying dish rack bothers me. 

The fact that I can see the clutter, annoys me. I tend to get in an unhappy mood if I keep seeing clutter. 

My interior designer have designed the following kitchen for my future residence, photo credits goes to ibridge design. 

And to my ultimate horror, the dish washing rack that I do not fancy is in the picture.  

Therefore, some adjustments will be put into place. I want something HIDDEN from view. 

Just like the pictures above. And also the kitchen in the design for my future residence, is not to my liking. Sighs. 

But oh well. This is quite exciting. I will be making more decisions in something that I have been yearning to own- an actual house. 

easy activities with children

Reena and Irman, my dear children are stuck at home. Reena due to HFMD and Irman is staying at home for the time being. This is to be absolutely sure that Irman is not infected with HFMD before he can safely return to infant school.

The children (including me) are going crazy with the minimal activities that they can do at home. 

Ipads and television are definitely not the best alternative to school activities. Trust me. It does not stimulate their cognitive skills. They need further hands-on activities. 

I must agree, with the limited resources that we have, there is not much that we can do. 

So we, improvise :) 

We have been watching a youtube channel called "nerdy nummies". I love the creativity of Rosanna. She bakes creative and yummy looking animated characters. 

Reena has been requesting to bake an Olaf dessert just as how Rosanna did. 

We can't use the oven. The freezer is usually full. 

So we bought ready made mini muffins.

Hundreds and Thouands. 

Chocolate Spread/Cream Cheese

M&M's. 

And that was when the fun begin.

 Irman was supposed to put the M&M's on the muffin. But he ate it instead.

Reena washed her hands extra thoroughly before she started. 

It was as easy as that. 

And it was yummy and fuss-free too.

HFMD

I happen to scroll down my facebook newsfeed and found out a few weeks back that one of my mutual friends', (I really could not recall who..sorry about that), kids were infected with HFMD.

Being a mother of two, (which includes an active 16 months old boy), I was easily distracted by their constant climbing and quarrelling that I didn't get a chance to reply or even thought much about it, up till now that Reena is diagnosed with HFMD by the paediatrician.

I recalled that there were a few ladies who were asking for tips on how to eliminate the virus and help the kids get better.

I have dealt with HFMD so frequently that the standard operating procedure is still fresh in my prefrontal cortex.

Being a preschool teacher in Singapore might be of an advantage sometimes (we are definitely NOT talking about our paychecks.)

I will be sharing some very basic tips on how to STOP the cycle of HFMD in the comfort of your home.

Step 1 : Sterilise ALL their milk/water bottles.

Step 2 : Use WARM water mixed with 1 part of disinfectant solution (my personal favourite is dettol), insert that in a plastic wash basin.

  Step 3 : Insert a towel into the respected plastic wash basin. Mix the solution together.

Step 4 : Wipe the toy container/box before hand, then wipe EVERY toy/hard cover books that your child owns.

Alternatively : If you have MORE toys than mine (I keep it to a minimal number because I do not have much space in my room in my parent's place. My house will ONLY be ready next year). Use a laundry net. You can get it from daiso ($2!), dump all the toys in. Dump it in a water trough filled with WARM water mixed with disinfectant solution or anything that is big enough to accommodate to the size of the laundry net filled with toys.

                             Water Trough

                             Laundry Net

Step 5 :  For those opting to use the water trough, you will need to dry the toys out in the sun. Do NOT dry it out with your clothes that you hang out on the bamboo pole, if you are living in a high rise apartment. (That kind of behaviour deserves a high five on the face).

Alternatively, (if this is inconvenient for you, which I personally find it is, for HDB/condominium owners). Take a huge towel, leave it on the floor in your house, dry the toys there for about an hour. 

Step 6 : Wash ALL stuffed toys in the washing machine. Then dry it in the dryer. 

Step 7 : Use febreeze to spray onto carpets,rugs, couch or any fabric surfaces.

Step 8 : Use a disinfectant spray (personal favourite is dettol, again.) to spray on any toy/object that the child with HFMD has touched. This is to prevent the spread of HFMD to another sibling and also to entirely stop the cycle. 

Step 9 : Finish all prescribed medicine given by the paediatrician/general practitioner. 

Step 10 : WASH the child with HFMD's hands often. Sanitise/wash YOUR hands after you have played/touched the child with HFMD before handling another sibling. 

Step 11 : Ensure that the child with HFMD drinks plenty of fluid. In this case, plain water. Their ulcers are very painful, (get a flash light and look into their throat.) they might not be comfortable in eating hard solids. Try giving them porridge for the time being. 

Step 12 : You know the drill, keep them indoors for 1-2 weeks. Separate them from their sibling, (or no close contact like kissing, sharing food/water bottle). Do not be alarmed if the school calls in to tell you that the sibling of the the child with HFMD is also not allowed to attend school. (Singapore IS a kiasu place after all.) 

And that is it. 

I hope your child gets better after following these simple steps.

 If you find this hard, imagine cleaning an entire school (the toys, the surfaces, regular health checks on children and handling parents who "complain" that we are not doing anything to keep the centre clean.) Sighs....

It has been a few days since the miscarriage. I have been trying to move on since then. I have braved myself to visit Ilyas' grave. It was still very raw, no name or simple wooden signage to show that it was Ilyas' grave. Idros had to do a few more rounds of calling to ensure that this will be look into.

I try to make the best of what I can do and not dwell my head into thinking about it. I found out playing with my kids are the best distraction. But from time to time, I might accidentally have memory flashes of what had happened. Or simply think about silly things at the back of my mind.

 Reena has been wanting a new school backpack. Therefore I thought about getting Irman a new backpack for school too. Then I thought about Irman's current backpack, which was still in good condition and I would tell myself "It is okay. I can use it as a diaper bag when the baby comes."

But that is just it. The baby is gone. And I have this accidental thoughts about him.


My husband is also not coping so well. He kept thinking of a lot of "what if's" situation that could have avoided this. He of course have come into terms with Ilyas' death which is all under His plans but Idros thoughts linger on the cause of its death.

I knew it was stress. I had the stupid SPARKS accessors coming in 2 weeks back when the death happened, I even went into the extend of assisting in setting up a class.


This has traumatising effect on my husband and I. We are afraid to go through this terribly sad situation over again. He said, "I think we are not ready to have another child for the time being."

We can plan but Allah determines. Let us see how the future unfolds.

post delivery

It was very traumatising.

Every little detail of it.

I remembered the timings, the procedure-everything.

At 10pm I was induced with the tablet in my vagina. A few hours later my water bag broke.

At 2am they inserted once more.

The contraction pains were unbearable. One after another. This was followed by continuous bleeding.

They gave me 2 painkillers to swallow at 3am.

At 5am exactly, I was at the brink of losing my sanity. I was crying to the nurse. I begged her to help me stop the pain.

She injected me on my left thigh to ease the pain. Which did for a while. I told the Senior Staff Nurse, "My lower back hurts like mad and I feel something is about to come out."

She replied calmly, "If it is coming out, you push ok dear?"

With that I was left at the pre-operation bed with a few other patients. A few minutes later, I felt a huge what seemed to me at that time, blood clot that expelled itself out of my vagina.

An hour later, the Senior Staff Nurse assisted me with the bed pan as I have requested to pee. That was when we found out, that I have given birth. She lifted the fetus which was still atached to its placenta.

They cleansed it. Clean me up and showed me the fetus and said, "It is a boy."

Quite quickly afterwards a Doctor removed the placenta from my vagina with her glove covered hands. She managed to somehow, remove the IUD during the grisly process.

A few hours later, I was sent to the operating theatre. The Doctor told me she would like to give me an epidural. I politely declined and said, I would prefer a nice general anesthesia, thanks. I do not need to be half-awake to view the surgery.

When I woke up, the back pain was gone. Totally gone. I tried to feel any pain, waist down, but there was none.

When I got back to my ward, I had a few visitors. My dear VP and her family members. After they left, my colleagues followed by my husband who have been handling the burial of Ilyas my still-born child, came with both Reena and Irman. My moral support.

I was so happy to see them. I talked to them, fed them, played with them for a while. Until a stupid auntie across the bed said my children were "noisy". Said why they are allowed in for more than 1/2 an hour. Which was not true. They were there only for 10 minutes.

My heart broke when Reena told Idros that she wanted to stay here with me. She kept telling me to follow her back home.

Reena asked me, "Why mummy must stay? You are sick? You cannot go home with Nana?"

I kissed her and promised I will be back tomorrow. I can't wait to be back home.

it was once there

From the start of the pregnancy, I knew it
wasn't going to be a smooth one.

I was told it will be of high-risk.

Yet, we saw heart beats. We saw movements, we saw a living thing, growing within me through the ultrasounds.

So we proceeded.

Dr Chan saw me yesterday. And started to look at my baby through the ultrasound straight away.

His confused silence gave it away.

Then I started to look at my fetus. It didn't move an inch.

I looked at Dr Chan's face and said, "The baby is not moving. Is it..?"

He replied, calmly, "No. But let me try again."

After what seemed to be about 10 minutes, Dr Chan finally concluded, "Your baby is not moving. I can't detect any heart beat. There are no evidence of a regular blood flow in the baby's body. The baby is also not growing for the past 2 weeks. It could possibly mean that it was dead since 2 weeks ago. I am afraid we have to terminate this pregnancy."

My eyes became blurry. My heart skipped faster as opposed to my poor fetus' still heart. My mind became ultimately blank.

I could make out some words he said in the background like, "My brother will take over as I am on leave. He will induce you. You will be in great pain. You have gone through c-section so it will be risky but we have to deliver the fetus and clean your womb. Can you call your husband in?"

Dr Chan explained to my husband about what had happened. My husband nodded quietly.

The only thing I heard him say was, "No post-mortem. Let the baby be as it is, for burrial."

I got myself together and barely cried when I stpped out of his office. My aunt was the receptionist and explained the "cleansing" procedure.

I heard myself say, "I want to seek a second opinion."

So we went to a polyclinic. The young doctor said, "We do not have an ultrasound machine to scan your baby."

With that fantastic answer, he gave me a referral letter to KKH for further examination.

We could not manage to visit the hospital on the same day itself. My kids were with us the entire trip. Because we were planning to stay over in JB for a day or two after my gynea visit. My parents were also in Bali. And my mother-in-law had a few cooking orders that she needs to settle.

So we will be heading down to the hospital today to remove my dead fetus from my body while the kids are in school.


While we were in the polyclinic, I saw newborn babies. Then earlier today, on facebook, I saw a few family and friends, in labour. I am so happy for them. And I can't stop to ponder what it would be like if this fetus just hung in there for a while more. I would have probably be the next excited mother all geared up for labour.

I cried when I was alone. I aready had a hunch what its gender was and I have prepared a name for it. I even went into detail to look for the perfect way of spelling its name. I refused to talk to anyone about it. I couldn't. When I tried, I will end up in a wave of sobs. Not even my husband. I will just get very emotional and upset at him. He is not coping very well with the news as it is.

I have an exam this Saturday. And I have already called the institution to delay my exam as an individual.

Allah has His reasons. Perhaps it is a way to show us to care for and love Reena and Irman more now. Perhaps it is to remind us what He is always capable of. Giving and taking it away. So we have to constantly be humble. Wallahua'alam.

And before this, I was wondering why there are those who I care for around me, would prefer to shut me out from their lives.

But now. The thing that I want most. Is to be alone for a while.