post delivery

It was very traumatising.

Every little detail of it.

I remembered the timings, the procedure-everything.

At 10pm I was induced with the tablet in my vagina. A few hours later my water bag broke.

At 2am they inserted once more.

The contraction pains were unbearable. One after another. This was followed by continuous bleeding.

They gave me 2 painkillers to swallow at 3am.

At 5am exactly, I was at the brink of losing my sanity. I was crying to the nurse. I begged her to help me stop the pain.

She injected me on my left thigh to ease the pain. Which did for a while. I told the Senior Staff Nurse, "My lower back hurts like mad and I feel something is about to come out."

She replied calmly, "If it is coming out, you push ok dear?"

With that I was left at the pre-operation bed with a few other patients. A few minutes later, I felt a huge what seemed to me at that time, blood clot that expelled itself out of my vagina.

An hour later, the Senior Staff Nurse assisted me with the bed pan as I have requested to pee. That was when we found out, that I have given birth. She lifted the fetus which was still atached to its placenta.

They cleansed it. Clean me up and showed me the fetus and said, "It is a boy."

Quite quickly afterwards a Doctor removed the placenta from my vagina with her glove covered hands. She managed to somehow, remove the IUD during the grisly process.

A few hours later, I was sent to the operating theatre. The Doctor told me she would like to give me an epidural. I politely declined and said, I would prefer a nice general anesthesia, thanks. I do not need to be half-awake to view the surgery.

When I woke up, the back pain was gone. Totally gone. I tried to feel any pain, waist down, but there was none.

When I got back to my ward, I had a few visitors. My dear VP and her family members. After they left, my colleagues followed by my husband who have been handling the burial of Ilyas my still-born child, came with both Reena and Irman. My moral support.

I was so happy to see them. I talked to them, fed them, played with them for a while. Until a stupid auntie across the bed said my children were "noisy". Said why they are allowed in for more than 1/2 an hour. Which was not true. They were there only for 10 minutes.

My heart broke when Reena told Idros that she wanted to stay here with me. She kept telling me to follow her back home.

Reena asked me, "Why mummy must stay? You are sick? You cannot go home with Nana?"

I kissed her and promised I will be back tomorrow. I can't wait to be back home.